We are all but human, but then again, we are human; a limitation on being limitless.
re
For which I have been condemned on happiness, but then rain fell –
And the rain,
Is soothing.
chaos in dreams
It was a random thought, to have you enter my life – with a simple gesture I did not know what would imply.
There sprung a random conversation, which turned out to be a fruitful exchange of encouragement and advise. It was fulfilling. I was weirdly elated and happy.
Everyday, we talk – about random things – things we thought was not important. Spending hours each day to open up ourselves, as if we’ve known each other for years.
I play songs at random, a shuffled playlist with songs we sing to each other, with heartfelt lyrics we seem to relate to.
Places we told at random, for which we long to go and be in each other’s company – the places I wish I would’ve took you with me.
Random slips of concern and affection – of which came to be natural – a mutual understanding of comfort in each other’s presence.
Of all these things, I realized I was fulfilled – that you have become a reason for making sense out of the randomness of life. You have become something I need and want – so as to put order in the chaos of feelings I am experiencing right now.
But then we both know that we’re hundreds of miles away – and yet I can feel your warmth.
I always wake up hoping that you were here. That I can hear you, that I can see you. That I can feel you, that I can touch you.
This ardent longingness – I have been counting the days when I will meet you – so we can recreate this seemingly dreamy encounters and have us believe that we, are real.
April
I’ll walk across the sandbar,
and trace a pair of footsteps
and watch the setting sun
the rays of which stream on your face –
an orange pale hue
for which the darkness, will set
and everything disappears.
the dawn’s moon over the calm ocean
as rare as the moon in the dawn, is an ocean full of calm,
the tides splash my feet with gentleness,
as i fall from the depths of the sky,
a darkness that would soon be filled with countless stars
the salaryman
as we part and say goodbye
you gave me three kisses and that’s fine
I’ll drink with myself our favorite wine
remembering the nights where we entwine
clothes fall off to the tune of a nocturne
you pushed me back and made me your throne
warm bodies dance and I felt you swoon
our lips caress we moan and groan
alas, I felt up my pocket and there begone
realizing it’s empty, my money there was none
time has ran out, I think I’d have to run
I excused myself, she grabbed the gun
work
dark
skies
flickering lights
fleeting background noises
clicking, tapping, furious mechanical singing
an apt display of living in the moment
thinking, feeling, intense problem solving
brimming aromatic essence
cold winds
open
windows
self
“Wandering between reality and dreams, I stood up and took a deep breath. I felt the cold air seep through the window – it’s morning. I haven’t had a chance to sleep again. I was too preoccupied thinking about the past – a colorful passing albeit dread with regret and sorrow. No, I couldn’t forget that of which molded me of what I am right now.”
This is but a rant of a man who is forcing himself to drown in an illusion of depression – someone who is actually normal, but is pretending to be an outcast who’s only satisfaction is rejection. Acceptance of himself is something he believes in truly, whilst the real self is telling that it is nothing but slander.
Dramatic as it should’ve been, it never is. Everything is normal. Living a life free of actual worry, he guises his delusions on the non-existent. An escapist you may say, but it’s more than that. This man is trying to rid himself of the truth. Rejecting the nuance of satisfaction, he denies himself of the things he had obtained – one of which is understanding and acceptance.
No one seems to understand him though. He doesn’t say anything after all.
a confession
Nothing. Nothing is absolutely happening. My life had become a mechanical recurrence of predefined events, with predefined choices, with predictable outcomes. I’m losing interest in things I was excited before. I’m choosing to be well off doing least effort, low risk, and almost no gain activities. Nothing surprises me anymore.
Basically, my life is dead. I’m falling into the depths of subtlety, and normality. I had become one with the linear future that will end in death. What’s more, I have only lived the earth for 21 years to date and I’m already feeling like this now. All of the past has been like yesterday, and tomorrow is as soon as the present.
I wake up. I eat. I take a bath. I get clothed. I go to work. I eat. I go home. I sleep.
Ad infinitum.
Whenever I go out and try something new, a moment later, I realize it’s done. I’m back to where I was before; being one with the predictable world.
Every day, I think about how I would escape from this predicament. I keep thinking, that everything I have been doing is not enough. I keep on believing that I am always incomplete, and that I should search for the one that would fulfill me.
I keep thinking, I keep finding, but it’s not enough.
Nothing is enough for me. I cannot be satisfied – as it is now.
I admit – I have no clear goals in life. My goals are rather basic – be rich to do whatever I want – but that’s too bland. To be honest, I’d like for that to happen because I had to gain more wealth to be able to keep finding what would fulfill me.
But how do I do that. Nothing is happening in my life right now. Nothing significant. Nothing of worth. Nothing at all.
I want to wish for something to hit me at random. I want to believe life in non-linear, but my lethargy outweighs my faith in life.
I just don’t care.
Would you want to care for me though?
freedom
I hadn’t had any sleep,
In bed I can only weep.
I was beside you all along,
But it felt like everything is wrong.
Today is the day that it will end,
My dreams, my fantasies, my doubts to amend.
You asked, “Is everything okay?”
I looked at you and I had nothing to say.
I laid myself bare,
Drops of water chilled my skin without care.
This pain I think I could bear,
Tormented, my forethought I wish I could share.
“No, it doesn’t have to come to this.”
“Yes, we could have done something, but it’s her I miss.”
“But you told me `I love you`, isn’t that supposed to be true?”
“But I love her more, I’m sorry it wasn’t you.”
I packed my things, and looked at your ring I wore.
“You’ll keep it?” I replied, “No, I’ll sell it at a store.”
“Well, it’s okay, I’ll have mine intact.”
It hurt, “I think I’ll give it back -“, “No – it is a broken pact.”
“I’m sorry, yet we’ve made this far,”
“I forgive you.” You told me, and that would be my deepest scar.
“Remember those days where we went to the ocean with your friends?”
“But I can only imagine how blue the seas when you confessed.”
“I…” the words, came so slow,
“You don’t have to say anything now.”
I came close to you. You didn’t move an inch.
I kissed you on the lips – my tongue, you pinched.
“I’ll be happy if you’ll just hold me like this.”
“But you’ll never be back, and my arms, would be of his.”
“Why did we have to fall with each then?”
“I ask the same.” and she is with a married man.
“This is such a mess we are in.”
“But this mess, I cherish within.”
An embrace, we slowly let go,
Of a sin, a burden we tow.
I bought a ticket, to a station that did not exist,
Crossing the yellow line, the train I missed.
I think, therefore, I am 
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